9/8/25: I’D RATHER REGRET THINGS I’VE DONE, THAN THINGS I HAVEN’T
It's amazing how much there is for me to unpack from this weekend and one 5 minute match. But in reality, it's days, weeks and months that went into that 5 minute match. The first place I'll start is with the appreciation I have for the people that were looking out for my health, suggesting that I just wait a year because of everything I have dealt with over the past couple of months. Had the situations been reversed, I also would have said the same things they had said. But I'm also glad I listened to myself, understood where my body was, understood all of the history in how it recovers and how long it requires after my back gives out on me. Life has been very challenging for me this year on so many fronts, and part of the reason I decided to go to Vegas was I just needed some time away.
First off, I wanted to thank the handful of our smaller students that helped me prepare last week. I didn't have much healthy time to prepare, but you helped me drill a few reps of my game plan. Even though I was injured and had little time to physically prepare, I was very much mentally prepared. The reason I was MENATALLY prepared was I had so many previous PHYSICAL experiences to draw upon. I've competed injured before. I understood how to dial up my energy when needed. I knew my opponent. I game planned. I understood how to handle the nerves. I accepted the physical exhaustion and nagging doubts that come with every match. All those previous experiences and all of the turmoil I had to overcome in the 2 weeks leading up to the event that I doubt anyone else had to overcome had me focused to give 100%.
In my one match, I executed literally everything I planned for. I was more energetic, had better technique, had a better game plan, and IMO won everywhere except where it mattered: the final score. So what went wrong? I went into the event feeling like I had a chance to do something special, to notch a few "upsets" and get on the podium, and I almost did. But in the end, there were too many small issues that ultimately cost me.
1) Never in my career have I ever been flagged for an illegal grip. At the time, I didn't ever realize I had it. This was a slight lack of awareness issue that MAYBE I don't make with more physical preparation.
2) When I was in bottom 1/2 guard, I KNEW one of my hand positions was not right to execute a sweep I wanted, but the grip I did have was such a safety blanket, I didn't want to release it.
3) I lost focus at the end of the match. I was looking at the scoreboard to see the time remaining, and I literally could not find the clock while looking straight at it.
4) I could not hear my coaches voice for most of the match, especially at the end when it mattered. I should have heard him calling the score and time while focused on my opponent.
See, it wasn't one big mistake that cost me, it was a series of little mistakes that all added up, any one of which getting corrected, I win the match. At this level, you can't afford to make that many mistakes and expect to win. This is the second most painful loss of my life, the first being when I lost in the finals as a brown belt years ago. I really had a hard time getting over it, and truth be told, I'm still not over it. While I will have more to say in class, the message is in the title. I'd rather regret things I've done, than things I didn't do.
I could have taken the easy route, played it safe, and not made the trip. I could have spent the weekend comfortably at home, emotions in check, and had a relaxing weekend. Instead, I spent hundreds of dollars trying to fix my body, thousands on the trip, suffered through the weight loss, dealt with the nerves for hours on end, and ultimately suffered one of the hardest to accept defeats of my life. But here is the thing. We are not put on this earth to travel the easy path. I would rather experience the highs and lows of life than just cruise on down the center of the river, playing it safe. True, this experience is not life or death, but it is still something that allows me to experience the highs and lows of life. It is also one more nugget in the back of my mind the next time I need that last dose of motivation to overcome an obstacle I may encounter.
So to everyone reading this. STOP playing it safe. STOP worrying about what others think. STOP worrying about losing. START taking chances. START believing in yourself and chasing your dreams. START thinking about how amazing winning will feel. Live life to the fullest so when that final moment comes, you can look at yourself and the mirror and think, "I wouldn't have changed a thing."
