12/15: KING OF ALMOST
First off, I wanted to congratulate my friend Steve Dalkert from Proving Grounds Jiu-Jitsu in Shelby Township for winning the Worlds Master's 5 No Gi Black Belt Featherweight title this weekend (yes, the same division I competed in). Also, I wanted to congratulate Paige Landry from Commonwealth BJJ in Livonia for winning the Women's Master 1 No Gi Purple Belt Featherweight. I have competed against Steve 3 times at local events and have lost by incredibly small margins and was looking for an opportunity for redemption in the finals this past weekend had I gotten there. But it was to no avail as I lost my first match by one advantage point.
The last 3 World Master's competitions have been incredibly painful for me, losing in the first round each of the last 3 times. Two years ago I lost by a single point and essentially a single second as I was in position to hold a knee on belly for 3 seconds to get 2 points but jumped to a failed arm bar after 2 seconds. Then, I lost this summer by giving up an advantage point with 15 seconds left. Then this past weekend I lost via a single advantage point and a trip to the semi-finals as the next opponent in the bracket was a no show. I have missed some incredibly significant wins by the most miniscule of factors over the last 3 years. Some might say that the stars just didn't align, or it was luck. Unfortunately, I know the truth and so does the mat as much as I hate to admit it.
On a positive note, this weekend I moved up a weight division and was as close as you could come to getting a win. I continue to prove to myself that I have earned the strap around my waist. But what I have also learned is that I am not good enough to just walk into this level of competition and get any wins unless I put more effort into my preparation. THAT is the painful realization. The last 3 IBJJF World events I have attended, my preparations have included struggling with PTSD and concern for my family from witnessing the Maui fires, taping my body together from injuries just days before this summer's event, and marginal preparation before this event again due to nursing minor injuries. When the margins are razor thin on every match, wins are made in the weeks and months leading up to the events, and in that arena I have failed.
Some of you would argue that working a day job while running the business at night is a legitimate reason for just missing the mark. But I know the truth. The reason I could not run a hard 3 week training camp before these last 2 events is because my body was not in great shape. My body was not in great shape because for the 6 months prior to each event I never did the things I knew I needed to do to be healthy at the start of a training camp. Training "camp" has been more about STARTING to get healthy for the event instead of training like an animal for the event. That entirely rests on my shoulders for not spending the 1/2 hour to hour per day that yes, I do have, in stretching and doing at least maintenance level lifting to keep me healthy. At the end of the day I have 2 choices: 1) Spend 10-15 minutes at the gym with the kettlebells then get home, shower and stretch like I used to do, or 2) Waste away on my phone. The hard truth is that Gordon Ryan put it very succinctly before. It's acceptable to have lapses in motivation, but it's not acceptable to have lapses in discipline. The bottom line is that I didn't win any of those matches because I DIDN'T DESERVE TO WIN ANY OF THEM. I did not put in the time that I know I need to be able to compete at that level. It's not really a suprise that when I won World's as a brown belt I had the most thorough perparation I've ever had for an event. The close calls went my way because I earned them during my preparation.
After this weekend, I have once again changed my mentality when it comes to competing at these big events and what it really means in my life. I used to think it was a burden to train and prepare for these events. After all, it is work. But I've started to look at this much more wholistically. It is precisely these events that can add many healthy, active years to my life. I used to think all the effort training for them would "be a waste" if I didn't win, instead of looking at all that effort training going towards keeping me healthier and happier for the people around me. Without these events, I wouldn't ever push myself harder. What could possibly be bad about keeping a regular, physical maintenance plan in place to have me healthy at the start of my planned training camp? How much better will my whole physical and mental well being be because I want to be in the best shape possible for each event?
I am truly tired of ALMOST winning. I want to win, and whether that win is getting my hand raised in a tournament or simply being healthy for my family as much as humanly possible (and both of which have been lacking), it all goes back to the discipline I need to put back into my life. I'm going to give myself the much needed down time through the end of the year, then get back to choosing things that benefit me (stretching, lifting) over things that don't. In 2026, let's all put down the damn phones and spend that time on things that truly benefit us.
