11/10: WINS AND LOSSES
It was a tale of two cities in the Fernandes household this week. While I had a rather successful weekend competing in the Chewjitsu tournament, standing on the top of a podium for the first time in over 2 years, my wife lost her bid for re-election to Walled Lake city council earlier in the week. It got me thinking about all the work that goes into chasing dreams and whether it is worth it. You might be surprised by my thoughts on this.
We were very dismayed when my wife and 3 other incumbents lost their re-election bid to 4 people that lied every step of the way, one of which will now be mayor and yet has never even attended a city council meeting. My wife knocked on over 1500 doors over the span of a month leading up to the election, was out placing signs all over the city, and was touting her record as part of the city council that helped get our Walled Lake out of debt, and yet, it was not enough. I too, have put an immense amount of effort into my own goals, especially when it comes to competing at Masters Worlds. I too, have also suffered from some cruel defeats. But one year, in particular, stands out.
I think it was 2020, and Gi Worlds landed on the end of the week where my wife's side of the family planned a Lake Cumberland houseboat trip. My bracket was pre-scheduled for either Friday or Saturday. If it was Friday, I would miss it. If it was Saturday, I could catch a plane and make it. The brackets weren't released until the Monday before when we would already be in Kentucky. As it turned out, my bracket competed on Saturday and I was able to make it. Then it hit me..... I never did put the time in preparing for the tournament because, in a rather stupid way of thinking, I didn't want to "waste" the effort if I wasn't able to compete. It's hard to believe that at any pont in my life I thought like that, but I consciously did think that. Honestly, it was an incredibly stupid way of thinking.
What did I think I was wasting? Had I trained hard for weeks, pushing myself more than normal, making more progress than normal, why in God's name would I think that would be a waste? Even if I was not able to compete, all that work would have contributed to so many physical benefits. But now that I was going to compete, I did not have the physical and mental edge I really needed to win. It ended in my most heartbreaking loss in the finals, and I was once again left to wonder what it would be like to stand on top of that IBJJF podium. In my wife's case, was her effort wasted? No, I don't think so at all. You have to put that effort in to win anything, and she got to know even more people in our community. But let's look at the other side of the coin.
My daughter did gymnastics so we paid attention to Olympic gymnasts. I look at the years and years these kids have to dedicate their entire lives to this sport if they want to even have a chance at the Olympics, and then only 6 girls will make it every 4 years. I wonder about the girls that are in the 10th to 20th ranking, realizing they will never make the team. Sure, they will have good college careers, but is it worth it? Those kids do not have normal childhoods. Their entire lives are dedicated to one goal, of which is almost impossible to achieve, even though SOMEONE will get there. My daughter opted to not go the Junior Olympic route (which almost forces kids to be homeschooled to be able to train that much). She opted to have a more normal childhood and spend more time with her friends. While she never acheived her full potential, it was definitely the right choice for her.
We all see people that are chasing their dreams while ignoring their families, their health, their faith, or a whole other list of priorities. I'm not going to lie. I've been riding that razor's edge for 10 years, but our family has made it work. Before you jump into any activity, you really need to think about whether the expected climb is really going to be worth the hoped for outcome. Often times, I think you are going to find certain goals are NOT worth the effort. This is not to say you will never have to place your family or your health second for some other priority, but if those things are ALWAYS playing second fiddle, maybe you've lost sight of what is important.
I will always encourage people to chase their dreams. Just make sure you bring those that love you with you instead of leaving them behind.
