10/27: PLAY THE GAME
I have some questions for you, and if your kids are students, I want you to ask them.
1) If you are involved in a sport, would you prefer to just be on the practice squad or would you prefer to play in the games?
2) If you play in the games, would you prefer to be a starter or a late game substitution?
3) As a parent, do you go to games and never see your child play because they aren't in the starting rotation?
You know that there is a sport where you can compete whenever you want, and as a parent you are guaranteed to see your child participate when they attend? I think you know what I am talking about. I've often mused over the fact the Jiu-Jitsu is the only sport I have ever been a part of where most people would rather just be on the practice squad than play in the games. For me, it is just the opposite. Nothing is more exciting to me than being able to participate every year in the world's biggest BJJ events. It makes me feel alive and gives me an annual goal. It keeps me driven, sharp, and actually forces me to maintain my weight as I get older.
I think there are a few specific reasons why most people will never compete in Jiu-Jitsu, and I hope to try to inspire you to move past these reasons. It pains me that so many people will never understand what they are missing. There are literally life changing benefits right at your fingertips. Let's talk about the barriers to competing.
A) Fear. Let's face it, when you compete in Jiu-Jitsu, there is no hiding behind a team. You are in the ring alone with just your coaches and teammates on the sidelines cheering you on. This fear is very real. For those that think I'm fearless, or that ANYONE who competes is fearless, you would be completely mistaken. Georges St Pierre, one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time, often talked about being terrified of getting in the octagon before every fight. For me, my years of experience has turned that fear more into a healthy form of excited anticipation. The other big fear is losing. But let's turn this around.
Instead fearing your opponent, realize THEY are feeling the same way. Start thinking about THANKING them for stepping up to the plate to give you an opportunity to challenge yourself. Instead of worrying about losing, start thinking about how incredible you will feel when you win. I dreamed for YEARS about winning Master's Worlds at any belt level. I suffered many, many heartbreaking losses along the way. But when I finally won as a brown belt, I was able to live out for a few precious seconds while the clock ticked down, the elation of finally putting it all together. I can tell you that the experience was sweeter because of the years of heartache. There is no shame in losing. It took my son 13 matches before he finally won one, and it was such a glorious day, I'll never forget it. What a blessing as a parent to be able to experience that with him.
B) Second on this list if Fear. Many people join Jiu-Jitsu, both adults and children, to develop self-confidence. The irony is that as we are working on developing self-confidence, it is lack of self-confidence that keeps many people from ever stepping out on the competition mats. This is not to say that what you learn in the gym won't translate to the boardroom or the classroom, but think about how much more it would by taking that next step by competing. You never know where this confidence building will come into play. For me, a couple years ago I was rear ended. There was no visible damage to my car, but I wasn't leaving the scene until I got a police report in case something came up later. They guy that hit me was getting very animated and was insisting that we just go our seperate ways. I can tell you that I very consciously drew upon all of my training and competition experience to stand my ground mentally as I also prepared to stand my ground physically if it came to it. Nothing has ever been more calming than having the confidence and belief that I could defend myself. Competition is the closest you will ever come to a real fight which is why it is so essential to compete, to understand how you react when your adrenaline is going. We had one student years ago who was a phenomenal training partner. However, he completely fell apart during his first and only tournament, and didn't even continue after his first match. You HAVE to get over that if you are ever going to rely on your training to protect you.
C) The final big reason is this: Fear. Many people think that their competition opponents are their enemies. Sometimes, yes, that's true. But most of the time nothing could be farther from the truth. I always frame it like this: Your opponents are simply training partners you haven't trained with yet. The REAL enemies are the people outside of the gym, outside of the competition arenas, that really want to do us harm. Almost everyone that has ever competed winds up becoming friends with their opponents seconds after the match ends. As adults, we almost always start disecting the matches with our opponent before we even leave the mat. The loser is almost always ready to give it another shot to try to corret their mistakes and solve the puzzle. As competitors, we all want the same thing: to be the guy on the top of the podium. Often times it's our friends who we have competed with for years that are in the way. There is something uniquely special about one on one combat sports where you are friends before you step on the mat and friends walking off the mat, but savage competitors while on the mat. There is this amazing understanding that each person is in the way of the others goal, and it stinks one has to lose, but the winner can also console the loser because they know what it's like to be on both ends of the spectrum.
I realize that as adults, their are inherent risks of injury that could have very real ramifications on your job or your ability to care for your family. Those risks must clearly be weighted. But I will forever encourage people to take a chance, at least once. Step out on that competition mat. See what it feels like. You never know where it might lead you.
